


Let Me Go

by Hillena



Series: creative juices [4]
Category: Skyfall (2012) - Fandom
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-12
Updated: 2013-01-12
Packaged: 2017-11-25 05:36:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/635656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hillena/pseuds/Hillena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Our dear Q has been through a war with John Watson. (<i><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thc1MtNagC8">x</a></i>)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Me Go

It started with 'you were with someone when I was away'.

And then into “We were fucking pissed!”

“Oh, yes,” I say sardonically, “And I’m dead.” I am also hurt. I was also not supposed to come back ( _home to you and, only you_ ) because I was too much of a coward. But I still did because I couldn't bear to dream of you then wake up every single night without you there, without you and your silly rants about me playing with your unfinished guns, without you pestering me to stop drinking, without you there to pick me up when I do something stupid, when I'm alone and, bored.

Without you just  _being there_ , with  _me._

“James," When he says my name, it's serious. Personal, "I’m sorry,” He rakes a hand through his unruly curls, “He lost my brother and I lost you. You were gone for a year, out—" _I am sorry_ , "You'd gone out of my boundaries,"  _I am sorry,_  "I waited, James,"  _I am so sorry_ , " I waited, and waited, and waited," _I am so sorry,_  "And when I needed you, you weren't there,"  _I am so sorry_ , "Did you think I could wait forever?” My apologies aren't enough.

I put my elbows on my knees, and bury my face in my hands, a low groan from my throat, “That is the part I hate the most, you were drunk. You were with him through a war,"  _He was_ his  _Quartermaster,_  "You never fancied him,” I say, “Though he fancied you, loved you even. He did that because he still loved you. Your brother was just a distraction for him. To cover up a hole you would never fill. John did love Sherlock but he loved you more. He loved you more than his best friend and lover.” I didn’t dare to look up, “Did you love him?”

I hear him mouth a 'yes'. Of course, he did. I look up to see a neutral face, staring into nothing. He shakes his head when I move into his line of sight. “Let me go,” He says.

I am in front of him in two short strides, “I’m barely touching you.”

“James, I know that you love me,” A statement, not a question, “Profoundly so. But if you really do, let me go.”

_I hate the fact that I_ do  _love you_ , I thought,  _You’re the only one who can bring down my walls, break my boundaries. But, I_ need— I let out a sigh. It was obvious from what he had just said. I loathed the fact that _I_  didn’t know that he loved John back and he didn’t love  _me_. I hesitate to put my hands on his shoulders, “Well then,” I say “You’re free to go.”

“I’m sorry, James,”  _The_  Quartermaster tried to console me by pulling me into an embrace.  _I can't even look him in the eye anymore._

But I turn away, "Just—" I shake my head, trying to keep careful ( _you're a rock. you're emotionless. you've no care in the world but killing everyone in your way._ ) and cool, "Just go before I—" I stop before I say something unnecessary ( _before I plead for you to stay, before I beg you to love me and not him, before I shoot myself with the gun you keep taped under the coffee table, before I drink myself into oblivion, before I rot_ ).

And he does.

 


End file.
